Wednesday, July 28, 2010

Getting Over the What-Ifs

I'm tired today. So, so tired. I had one of those nights last night -- the kind where you awaken at 3:45 in the morning and your head instantly floods with 'what ifs'. So in the interest of sharing my worries to make them smaller, lucky lucky you gets to read about them! How's that for blog therapy?

A small selection of things rattling around my brain last night:
  • What if I can't get my novel exactly where I want it to be?
  • What if people hate it, what if it flops, etc etc?
  • What if I never make it as a writer?
  • What if I have to go back to work -- how will I explain a three-year absence?
  • What if I can't focus tomorrow because I'm so tired?
  • What if I let my husband down by not using my 'time-off' wisely?
  • What if I can't sustain a writing career?
  • How will I ever retire on a non-existent pension?

I think I'll stop there; I don't want to bring you all down! What I'd like to know is why people don't ask themselves positive what-ifs in the middle of the night? Imagine this:

  • What if I become a best-selling author?
  • What if I make enough money to have financial security?
  • What if my husband and family are just so proud they can't stop telling me?
  • What if I write a book every year, until I choose to stop writing -- if ever I want to?
  • What if I believe in myself and have the confidence and focus I need?

You know, strangely, I do feel a whole lot better now!

What are your what-ifs, positive or negative?

61 comments:

  1. Oh my gosh, those questions haunt me all the time. The only difference is, that my career hasn't yet begun! Good luck getting a better night's sleep tonight!

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  2. Oh, Talli, I know exactly where you're coming from on this one! I've been battling exactly the same niggling questions and cleared the house of my law books yesterday evening.

    So, there is no going back to law and I have finally committed to giving over this 'time-off' I have to writing and trying to make it work for me as a career.

    Positive visualisation, hard work which you already do plenty of, and your obvious talent and dedication will get you there. Good luck!

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  3. My what-ifs sound pretty much like yours. Every now and then I am gripped so badly by the throat by thse horrible thoughts, that I struggle to breath from the fear of it all. But then luckily there is that tiny little voice in the back of my head that thankfully I still hear. And it says; "What if everything turns out just the way you want it to?" I can't help smiling when I think that, because it is possible.

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  4. Oh, yes, those questions torment me too. I'm not yet at the point where I think 'what if people hate my book?', mostly because as of now it's more like 'what if I never make it as a published writer?'

    But boy, do I feel that 'letting somebody down' one keenly. I'm struggling to find a job, so right now Steve's supporting us and he's so encouraging about my writing. So I feel like I'll have failed him somehow if I don't use the excessive time I have, as an unemployed person, to write and work... sigh.

    Still, he always cheers me up by joking about million-dollar advances and how I'll be supporting him soon. Unrealistic, but funny.

    I guess it's just that in the end, you can worry all you want (and I do, believe me I do), but it really helps to be silly and unrealistically optimistic sometimes!

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  5. I struggle with this too, Talli! There's company in misery--or is it the other way around? :-) I find that massive amounts of chocolate and wine helps. Seriously some days it feels like I'm beating my head against a wall but then I'll write something seemingly brilliant and it will connect with someone, making the whole thing worthwhile. And I'll get up the next day and do it all over again.

    Cheers!

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  6. Wait until you're a little older and you'll be haunted with: what if I don't get up now and use the toilet?

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  7. Oh goodness. When your brain has those negative "what ifs", tell it to shut up. LOL
    And get some sleep, you poor thing!

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  8. Oh, you guys are great - thank you. It's kinda nice to hear I'm not the only one - yes, misery does love company! :)

    Chopper - I almost put the toilet one in there because I do think about it for a good hour or so before acting on it!

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  9. What if I buckled down and got this re-write done sometime soon? Would I be ready to query again?

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  10. Hi Talli - you are definitely not alone - and at least you can cross "what if I'm never finish anything/am good enough to be published/see it in print?" off your list so that's brilliant!

    One positive what if I read once and have never forgotten is that you should always look at what if you got hit by a bus tomorrow - could you look back over the last six months and be sure they were the best ever last six you could have made them?

    As long as you can always say you did everything you could, the scary what ifs will look after themselves :-)

    Great blog - love it.

    Ajx

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  11. Hey, Talli. Those questions might have floated from my own head. But what you've done is the only thing to do: flip 'em to something positive. As the writer Elizabeth Gilbert said, I only promised the universe I would write. The rest of it, whether someone likes it, whether an agent buys is, etc. is none of my business. So I just put my head down and do the work (and, yes, hope for the best) :D

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  12. I had a night like that actually- and you are right- the glass half empty approach really does work

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  13. Lol, those negative what-ifs most certainly haunt me all the time, too :-P

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  14. Geez, I don't know. I've seen too many people ignore the tough questions about what might happen if their dreams don't come through. They DO end up hurting the people near them by not being reasonable about the odds of success and having a backup plan.

    As a writer (or other creative type) the options are not only poverty and unlimited wealth. Most folks struggle in the middle. The world needs novelists, and those who want to should try. But it also needs copywriters, technical writers, journalists, bloggers, etc.

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  15. My "what ifs" tend to be limited to story telling... Outside of that "what ifs" are almost nonexistent: as I find them to be unprofitable, I mostly avoid them... There simply too many fun things to do instead.

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  16. Those what-ifs are exhaustion talking to you, telling you to go back to sleep. The positive what-ifs would keep you up all night with excitement, then you'd be tired, and then you'd have the negative ones back again. So it has nothing to do with you and your writing career and everything to do with how tired you are. Does that help?

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  17. Talli, the only thing that I can tell you is how I did not want to go to the grave with regrets. My kids were old enough that I didn't need to babysit every little thing. I dusted off the twenty year old novel and stayed with it until I thought it was finished. That was goal one. Getting it published, was goal two. I was blessed that Vamplit Publishing saw something in my crossover horror/Christian vampire story to climb out on the limb with me. No matter what happens now, I don't have to worry about regrets! That was the goal. I would say that you should work at whatever is goal one for you. Finish the novel. Are you happy with it? Then, move on to goal two, and so on.
    Good luck!
    -James

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  18. I think probably my biggest 'what if' is:

    What if my characters/story aren't as interesting/unique/moving as I think they are?

    I agree with all of your 'what ifs' as well.
    On the positive, my what ifs are something like this:

    What if I could get up every day and write while sipping coffee? (my fav way to spend a morning)

    What if I could get back to riding my own horse for fun, instead of breaking my back taking care of someone else's?

    What if kids (or whoever, although I write YA and really want to be able to affect the way kids think) read something I wrote and it changes the way they see the world, for the better?

    What if some day I get to hear someone say 'Your book *insert title* affected me profoundly, the same way I can say that to authors about different books they've written?

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  19. What a great idea! I wake up all the time with worry-thoughts. Next time, I'm going to start a positive list. thankyouthankyou

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  20. Forget the 'What if's' my dear friend because your book is going to be published and you gonna end up becoming one of those great authors and all i will ask is for an autograph :)
    x

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  21. Tali,

    I'm sure we're all beset by doubts like those at times. But I do know that if you let self-doubt cripple you you won't get anywhere. You're clearly heading in the right direction!

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  22. As I've gotten older, I've finally stopped worrying. It isn't worth it. But I know where you're coming from. I've been there. Writing is quite simply - not easy. Not easy to write a good novel. But a good night's sleep is crucial for anything we have to do. I hope you can relax! Visualize the positive. That's so much better than zapping yourself with the negative, which is very easy to do in the middle of the night!

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  23. We all have 'what-ifs' and they seem to hit us at the most unlikely hour. It does help to get them out of your system. I like your idea of blog therapy.

    Mason
    Thoughts in Progress

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  24. I hate those middle of the night what ifs. But I LOVE your positive ones. :)

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  25. What if I did get everything I ever wanted in a writing career and was a best-selling author on every list, every time and I made oodles and oodles of money and I was mobbed every where I went like J.K., Stephanie or Stephen and my life was just so fantastic I couldn't stand it?

    That's my 'what if' in the middle of the night. Be careful what you wish for, you just might get it. Stop the negativity.

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  26. That's an interesting question. My what ifs include "What if I can't think of anything funny and original to write?" I've been battling writer's block lately, so that everything I write sounds boring. But hopefully I can write through it, because what else is there to do?

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  27. What if you realize how talented and wonderful you are and get on with those edits so we can rush to Waterstones/Amazon to buy it?

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  28. What a great post. I have plenty of those what-if nights. Next time I'm what-iffing positively. Thanks.

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  29. What if it doesn't go the way I'd like? What if my daughter keeps her pants on all day? What if Matt Brady proposes?.....

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  30. I too am often haunted and tormented by these (and other) questions while trying to get some (much needed) sleep. For some reason, as soon as I lay down on my bed, my mind races. Sometimes it's creative ideas, solutions...sometimes it's the very questions you mention. Either way, sleep is hard to come by.

    May you sleep soundly tonight.

    Love,
    Lola

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  31. You guys are amazing. Thank you so much for chipping in and showing me I'm not alone in my late-night self-torment. I'm really loving each comment I get here!

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  32. What if I totally lose the urge to write?
    or, on the other hand,
    What if I never lose the urge to write?

    The difference is just one word.

    Straight From Hel

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  33. Funny, I was going to suggest you ask yourself the positive what ifs then I scrolled down and there they were!

    You may never get your novel to be exactly where you want it to be -- we writers are perfectionists -- but that does NOT mean it is not Good Enough for others to buy and fall in love with.

    Everything always works out...with or without the worrying. You'll see!

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  34. Yeah, it really scares me sometimes. I hate the what-ifs. I'm glad I'm not the only one who repeats them in my head. I like the positive what-ifs.

    CD

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  35. I always try to recite this when I am in a what if - as what ifs are a disguise for worry - "your worry is for nothing - if you worry that something will happen and it does then your worry did not prevent it so it was for nothing, if that thing doesn't happen then your worry was wasted energy and still for nothing. worry cannot make things happen or not happen - only cause you to not have the energy to deal with whatever does happen."

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  36. Love the post, Talli- (and the comments too!) thank you all for reaffirming I'm not the only one up at night facing my 'what ifs?'

    (it so happens I was writing dialog just last night- or I should say early this morning- with that very question in it. A scene between a husband and wife, and the he gives this answer to her “what if...”

    "We'll burn that bridge when we come to it," he promised.
    "Whatever we must do. Whatever we must build, break, or burn down to the bl***y ground I promise you, we will."

    My own haunting what if: What if I had the courage to live beyond fear and really be happy?

    Only time will tell…but I want to find out. I’m hoping that later on I’ll be able to say that the answer was that was when life really began.

    Keep dreaming, keep up those positive ‘what if’s!’

    bru

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  37. PS: I'm sure your family is, at this very moment, already so much prouder of you than you know...

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  38. I love this!! I cannot seem to shut my mind off from these types of question. LOVE LOVE LOVE the positive ones!!

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  39. Negative: What if I can't come up with a good story after my current one? Sure, I intend to make it a series, but what will I do once it's all over? Heck, will that one ever even make it to print?

    Positive: What if I end up on a talk-show?!

    Negative #2: What the heck would I say on a talk show?!

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  40. Thank you all for the wonderful comments. I feel so much better - and hopefully I'll sleep tonight, too!

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  41. Books are completely subjective. Like Art. People will love your book, others will not, and those who don't, it's because you weren't what they were looking for, and not anything to do with you as a writer. xxxx

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  42. How is it that you always have such great posts? Thank you. Dealing with those what-ifs are always painful. I much prefer your positive list.

    PS--If you have a chance, stop by my blog to pick up an award :)

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  43. What if I don't have that last bit of chocolate left over from yesterday's birthday bash at work I'll regret it for the rest of the week because someone else might nab it and then what will I have for my tea break tomorrow?!?!!?!?

    Awwww lovely Talli!!!!!! I hope you beat your negative what ifs into submission with your big stick (you must have a big stick somewhere!!!) and say to yourself not what if for your positive what ifs but WHEN.

    :-)

    Take care
    x

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  44. All of my what ifs are so negative I've installed a moat around my brain so they can't get in! :)They're devastating!

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  45. The what if my book sucks gets to me, as I fear hard core science fiction fans will balk at my light sci-fi adventure.
    Then again, what if it does well enough I get to write another book?

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  46. Talli,
    Thanks for writing this down & encouraging others to take the negatives & turn them into positives. It's very important! :)

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  47. I have these what if's too. I think being positive is the way to go...although I like to keep the glass half full. Just in case. lol.

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  48. I don't usually ask myself "what-ifs." Instead I imagine what my house will look like after I've sold a few billion copies of my novels. It will be have a pool and a tennis court, be on a lake, and have plenty of wooded acreage to walk the dogs. :)

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  49. I have those negative what-ifs all the time. In fact, just an hour ago, as I'm going through revisions, I'm wondering, "What if my MS is total crap and can't be saved?"

    But you're right -- why waste our time with the negative what-ifs when we can think more positively?

    Thanks for the optimism in this post, I needed it. :)

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  50. Ahhh.. I know exactly what you mean about those "what-ifs" fears! Thank you for those positive ones - I feel a lot better now too!

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  51. I have negative what if's all the time! I think in the wee small hours it's the lack of light that gives all those scary 'what if's' their power...they never seem so impossible when there is daylight around! Just tell them to bugger off :-)

    C x

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  52. I understand those questions - they all buzz around my head too.
    I add: "What if I never get to write the rest of the story?" That would be sad.

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  53. I think we've all been there Talli. What I've learned to do though is actually answer the 'what if' question. I mean, what if I never get another book published - well, I'll have to go and do something else, like run an art gallery which I've always quite fancied doing.

    What if I don't have a pension - I can sell my house and go and live somewhere cheaper like the south of Italy. Yup, that sounds pretty attractive too.

    The only thing to worry about is health, because without that, nothing works. So get your sleep! And enjoy your writing.

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  54. You are so right Talli. Why don't we ask ourselves postive what-if questions? I think part of the answer is we are conditioned to think of failure, rather than success. Also, when people talk, they talk more about the negative than the positive. I see that every day in work, and with my friends and family.

    Hope you got a better night's sleep last night!

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  55. These questions plague me in the middle of the night too. What if's are interfering with my summer. Mine are too depressing to write this early in the morning.

    You may have inspired my next post.

    I like that you dare to "What if" the positive. So far, your three years seem to have been well spent. I doubt you'd go back to work, but if you did, you'd say, "I published a book y'all."

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  56. oooh - the good what ifs are much better than the bad ones.
    i'm going to try and remember to ask myself those questions next time i'm down in the dumps

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  57. OH, my negative what-ifs would be too terrible to write them down...seriously, sometimes I think I could go for a world's record in negative thinking. And positive what-ifs are, in my case, quite tricky, too, because every good thought can be so easily followed by the bad one, it's opposite. You know, it's sort of a downward spiral, I guess.

    BUT I really liked this post :)

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  58. Hi Talli! Holy Cow! I feel and think the same way!

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  59. I think these 'what-ifs' are busy fellows at night, you know! It's a question of re-framing your thoughts so they are positive (which you did here) but that can be so hard to do. I have pretty similar fears - and I 'did' leave work to write - and had to go back after a 2 year break. So maybe I can lay your fear to rest about that - it can be done, my day job now is better than anything I have ever done, and I am sure you won't have to do the same but if you did (and that is a big 'if') then I just feel you will be fine. Not sure you'll see this, but I hope you do, as it's all going to be good. Remember my little solstice post when I wished everyone that commented positive vibes? You were included, and call me an old hippy, but I just feel that good things will happen. :)

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  60. I'm three books down the road and just polishing the fourth and I think about every one of those what ifs (apart from the husband one) every day. Being terrified keeps you sharp. Then you get a brilliant review like the one I've just had in The Scotsman this morning and you think 'Wow, is he talking about me?' and you know everything's going to be all right.

    All you have to do is keep writing

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  61. Yeah for your positives! I am lucky with the life I lead, but there are many what if's in it still.

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Coffee and wine for all!