I'm going to a conference in a week and a half and I'm becoming increasingly nervous about one thing. No, it's not the big-name authors I'll be mingling with, nor is it meeting the experts whose workshops I'll be attending.
It's my wardrobe, with one question howling around in my head: what should I wear? It's a desperate state of affairs.
Just how desperate?
1. My wardrobe has shrunk down to one pair of Primark jeans and about 10 black Primark T-shirts, along with three or four summer dresses really not suitable for a conference.
2. My knickers have holes and their elastic waistbands have long since snapped. Yes, I have saggy drawers. Sexy, I know.
3. Eight of the ten black T-shirts have toothpaste stains, and my one renegade white t-shirt has a random pink stain down the side (wine?).
4. My socks are basically worn down to nothing on the bottom. No holes - but the soles are pretty much threadbare!
5. My two pairs of summer sandals - bought at M&S for £10 each two years ago - are cracked and battered looking. It feels like I'm walking on concrete whenever I wear them.
6. My one trusty black cardigan (indispensable in England, I tell you) has a massive hole under the armpit.
7. My bras... well, let's just say you really don't want to know. I will say that their stocks have not been replenished for a good three years or so.
I think I'll end on that high note! Some shopping is in order, wouldn't you agree? Wish me lots of luck, and lots of bargains -- because my pounds certainly don't stretch very far!