I have a problem. (And no, it doesn't involve alcohol.)What do you do, when you work from home, and you have house-guests? House guests who are lovely, but don't really seem to understand that even though you may not leave the house to work, you still have things you need to get done?
Living in London, a hub for so many international flights, means I get lots of visitors. Now, I love seeing old friends and spending time with people, but it also means a.) I lose my office space as the guests take over the room; and b.) I feel bad turning down invitations to spend weekdays with them as they shop/ tour/ eat/ drink. I've nothing against any of these activities but when it means I'm giving up my dedicated staring-out-the-window (aka writing) time, I get a bit antsy.
So tell me: How can I politely make it clear that I do have work to do, while still being the hostess with the mostess?
I have that problem when friends come over for dinner and I'm in the middle of something (even though I invited them!). I just take my laptop to the couch and start typing. They'll get the point if you ignore them long enough. Is that mean??!!
ReplyDeleteI'd explain that, while I love seeing them, some of their visit will be taken up by working. So arrange a few trips with them and work the rest.
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ReplyDeleteThanks, guys! The thing is, I don't mind taking a day off here and there. But lately we seem to have guests every second week or so and the whole thing is getting to be too much! Thanks for your advice.
ReplyDeleteI think Lindsay is right. Explain and be up front.
ReplyDeleteWhen we have guests they have flown around 6,000 miles and spent a considerable amount of money on their flights to Bangkok. They stay for a week to two weeks and they want to see us. But we live in Thailand, we're not on holiday here. Our children still go to school, Husband gets the same amount of holiday as they do in the UK and he wants to take that for family holidays and travel and just because I 'don't go to work' doesn't mean I haven't got other commitments. And voluntary work doesn't mean you can choose when to do it: it's still a commitment.
It's really hard. Visitors who will take themselves to the Grand Palace and Kanchanaburi are best and the only way to communicate that is to tell them gently in advance.
Coooo, I'm glad to get that off my chest. Sorry!
I agree with Theresa, in telling them beforehand that you do have a work schedule, and will only be available at certain times. And maybe have some tourist outing scheduled for them to do while you're working?
ReplyDeleteThis is tough, because other people simply do not understand that a writer needs time to write. They think it happens in some undocumented space of time, and certainly not their time. You are just going to have be diligent and tell them that you need a certain amount of time every day and when that time is. Tell them you can socialize around that certain time, but it is set in stone with no changes allowed. I know this is easier said than done, so good luck!
ReplyDeleteLOL. I have exactly the same problem. My office space is also the guest room. Sorry, I can't be much help becasue when I know I have lots of work, I don't let anyone stay here! *cackle*
ReplyDeleteJust politely let them know up front that you have work to do. They need to understand that your job resides at home and while you can take some time off, you can't take it all off. I think they will understand and appreciate your honesty.
ReplyDeleteI used to have that problem often. Company came and went through this house like it was a hotel. That problem solved itself when all my in-laws (I kid you not - ALL of them!) moved withing 20-30 minutes of us, after we moved three states away. Um, I'll trade ya...
ReplyDeleteI haven't a clue, but let me know if you find out!
ReplyDeleteTalli, I remember that when I lived in London, but I was in my 20s (40s now) and had masses of energy, I think most people would expect you to have your own schedule and you join them when you can, any word on you MS, by the way here is an Irish publishing link for you, might suit your novel:
ReplyDeletehttp://www.poolbeg.com/
I agree that a set schedule of when you work and when you play will help a lot. And if they rarely come to London, perhaps suggesting a handful of can't-miss activities for them to do *without you* would help. They get the advantage of your "insider's perspective" on cool things to do without needing you to play personal tour guide.
ReplyDeleteI deal with this one quite frequently since I live in "the crossroads of the West" (SLC), and we're 20 minutes from the airport and so forth. Plus we have a big house with lots of bedrooms. Although usually I WANT to see people, there are times that it's NOT convenient, and then you're put in the situation of saying sure, come on to one set and No, it won't work to another!! This isn't good! Fortunately it doesn't happen that much. I feel your pain.
ReplyDeleteI used to have to deal with this problem when I used to work from home. Eventually, I just had to tell guests/drop-overs that I had work to do (and try to ignore their looks).
ReplyDeleteGood luck - I'm not sure there is a good solution but I'm hoping you find one.
This is a very tough situation, especially with you being at home all day. I know that I would respectfully decline explaining that I do have a lot of writing to get done and an excellent idea in place, going out means I would lose focus. Maybe compromise and tell them that one day that week you'll go with them. Set up the details and everything so you are prepared. That's the best advice I have!!
ReplyDeleteWhen we take our writing work seriously, it sets the tone for others. I understand your dilemma because I have to do it all the time with my family and children! It's tough, but I try to set aside specific time every day that's designated work time. I may have to miss out on the fun sometimes, but they're beginning to understand that's my work time!
ReplyDeleteSo, I guess this means I can't come over this weekend?
ReplyDeleteAw, thank you so much, everyone. Great advice and it's good to know I'm not alone in finding this so difficult. I think I need to be firmer instead of just sucking it up and boiling underneath (not healthy!).
ReplyDeleteBrigid - thanks for the link! I'll have to check it out.
As a stay-at-home mom, working from home, if someone comes over, I'm pretty much stuck. If I could, I would probably leave and go to the library or something. I have it worked out so that I can do my writing when no one is visiting, but everything goes to pot when we're not alone. Good luck!
ReplyDeleteAnd Bossy Betty - haha! You're always invited, as long as you bring me some of those gorgeous flowers and a T-Shirt! :)
ReplyDeleteEr....
ReplyDeletePly them with lotsa wine and hopefully they'll sleep for the whole day?
Hide the coffee!
:-)
Take care
x
You know, your house guest turn-over sounds exciting. I'm always up for a good distraction! However, I have had people stay for weeks at a time (family, you know how it goes) and I just make good use of them. :) Surely your friends know you're a writer...when they ask you to hang out just be honest and tell them you have to meet your daily quota, etc. They'll admire your determination...I sure do!
ReplyDeleteWhoa! That's a tough one, but one I know about. Our guest room is also my work from home space, and when a weekend visit drifts into Monday I get incredibly twitchy. Unfortunately I'm not very good at hiding it either and they don't hang around long. No help to you I'm sure - but good luck, Karen x
ReplyDeleteI have experienced this same issue at times. If it's family, I bite the bullet and take some time off. Or if we just can't take the time, we will tell them up front that we need work time and help them organise days out on their own if they need.
ReplyDeleteFor non-family, I would say something like "Oh we'd love to see you. If you need help finding a good hotel, there are several around here that should be just perfect." Yeah, subtle!
When you're in college it's perfectly okay to go and flop yourself on a mate's couch without much advance notice. Now that we're all grown-ups, we should be more considerate! Especially if you're in a small place.. you shouldn't feel obliged to give up your home just because someone has a layover. Stand your ground and don't let people take away what's important to you! See them, yeah, but you gotta do what you gotta do.
That's a tough one. Short of saying, "My couch is already full," I think being up front about your other responsibilities is the best bet. If they really are friends, they'll understand.
ReplyDeleteTough situation! When I did NaNoWriMo, my sister and her kids came for the week of Thanksgiving. I knew way ahead of time she was coming, so instead of calculating how many words I needed to finish per day based on 30 days, I used 23 days in stead. Spreading out my "catch-up" work throughout the month helped me stay on track.
ReplyDeleteIf you have regular bi-monthly guest, you have a bigger problem than I did. I agree being upfront is the best strategy, so guest can anticipate afternoon shopping sprees or visits to a museum without you. That way, you get work done and they don't wind up feeling like they're imposing on you.
Best of luck with it!
Oh I hear ya on this one. I'm doing the same thing right now. I have house guests and nothing in my beautiful computer world is getting finished. I love the company but need the time to finish my stuff too. I'm sorry I don't have much in the way of advice as I'm wondering what to do too.
ReplyDeleteI love that game Space Invaders! I still play it even thought the graphics are from the stone age. :)
ReplyDeleteI'd come up with things for them to do and send them out so you have time to yourself. Find some tour guides/brochures of the area. Then tell them you'll meet them afterwards for dinner to talk about what they saw.
Wow, that is a tricky situation. If my office were at home in the same room as the guest bedroom I would not be able to get anything done when company came to stay.
ReplyDeleteI would say just warn them ahead of time and if they're good friends they should know about your situation anyway.
Then again if they're living in that room (even if only for a few days) it may be too uncomfortable to even work in there at all. In that case you may have to say no from time to time.
Best of luck.
Everyone else has given such great advice; I wish I had some to add too! I live in a two-room apartment, so if guests watch TV or keep texting their friends or listen to their iPods or basically just do anything that's remotely noisy, I get distracted and then I can't work either. I'm not a very good host :), so you're actually more generous than I am because you're nice enough to let people stay with you.
ReplyDeleteSince I work from home (and I'm about to have my in-laws visit) I can totally relate!
ReplyDeleteI inform them right away that I have a work shedule and I can only take off so much time.
If they are truly friends, they will understand that do you work from home and can't be with them every minute. Set a little time aside so you can enjoy them being there and then go back to work. Good luck.
ReplyDeleteMason
Thoughts in Progress
Tell them you're so glad to see them, and you'll happily join them on their outings one or two times and then give the days or times. Explain, unfortunately, you're not on holidays and have to work. Besides, you won't be able to give them the attention they want if all you're doing is worrying about how behind you're getting.
ReplyDeleteAmy Saia brings up a good point - I think it's hard for non-writers to understand that writing is a discipline. They see it as a hobby & therefore don't think you actually need to it.
ReplyDeleteI don't have trouble telling close friends to get out of my way. But I'm more awkward around people I don't know as well. I'm more polite about it with them & sometimes even let them get in the way of treasured writing time.
This is a tough one! I don't live in a hub for international flights, but family and friends know I'm at home all day. And sometimes they get peeved if I don't pick up my cell or want to meet for lunch. I just grin (grit my teeth) and bear it and keep doing what I must do- write!
ReplyDeleteI suggest you make up a schedule for your writing time and your visiting time. And be honest with them! Acknowledge that they probably won't understand, but tell them you have to work and compare it to their own 9-5 jobs.
These are all great suggestions - I might need to grow a backbone! :)
ReplyDeleteugh that is a tough one. My solution is to just not have house guests when i have actual work to do (and i work at home as well)
ReplyDeleteSo far that has served me well
You're a better person than me. I'd be pulling out my hair! We need to carve out time to write no matter what.
ReplyDeletePlease tell us what works best for you after you've tried a few of these suggestions. It's an issue at my house, too.
ReplyDeleteTalli, I'm afraid I am no help to you. When we have guests, I, too, give up my office. I move to a folding table upstairs in the bedroom. Even moving my office, I don't get nearly as much done as I would if they weren't there. I end up staying up later, getting up earlier.
ReplyDeleteHelen
Straight From Hel
Just be honest with them. If you're really friends/relatives/etc., they'll appreciate your honesty and what you do.
ReplyDeleteThen make it up to them with cookies, cakes and some of those French fries you shared on Sunday. Yummy.
Really, when friends come to visit for a day or two, I take off work to spend time with them. If it's something longer, then they know they have to fend for themselves. I would simply explain it that way to your friends...they will understand.
ReplyDeleteBeing an aussie living in the UK, I also get a lot of visitors. I just tell them upfront before they arrive, I'll be working when they are visiting, if I am. Other thing to do, with the weather so fine at the moment....take your laptop to a nice park and work in the sunshine away from your guests!
ReplyDeleteI feel your pain. And if you ever find a polite and effective way of doing this... please let me know. Immediately!! ;)
ReplyDeleteGood LUCK!!
That is a conundrum. I sympathize with you, losing all that staring out the window time.
ReplyDeleteThe only thing I can think of is hide under the bed and pretend not to be home when they call. Sorry that's all I got!!!
Boy, this is a hard one. I think you gotten some good suggestions from lots of people. Myself, I'd probably try to schedule some time with the visitors and tell them that I was also scheduling time to work. I think being clear and friendly about it is the only way to go.
ReplyDeleteCould always let the social embarrassment take the strain and go to Starbucks... :)
ReplyDeleteNo, I'd have to let them know in advance I was going to be working. Before I got my current office job, my relatives pretty much anticipated I was going to be chained to a laptop at any given time anyway... :)
I also lose my office space when people come to visit and that's frustrating.
ReplyDeleteI set expectations beforehand and let whoever is coming know that I have to work during their visit. Then I put together itineraries of things they can do without me during the day (hikes, touring Hollywood, a TV show taping, trips to the beach, etc) and then I set up something to do with them later like dinner or a show or something. And I tell them I can't wait to get done with work so we can meet up later.
Then I stare out the window while they're gone. ; )
I also lose my office space when people come to visit and that's frustrating.
ReplyDeleteI set expectations beforehand and let whoever is coming know that I have to work during their visit. Then I put together itineraries of things they can do without me during the day (hikes, touring Hollywood, a TV show taping, trips to the beach, etc) and then I set up something to do with them later like dinner or a show or something. And I tell them I can't wait to get done with work so we can meet up later.
Then I stare out the window while they're gone. ; )
I also lose my office space when people come to visit and that's frustrating.
ReplyDeleteI set expectations beforehand and let whoever is coming know that I have to work during their visit. Then I put together itineraries of things they can do without me during the day (hikes, touring Hollywood, a TV show taping, trips to the beach, etc) and then I set up something to do with them later like dinner or a show or something. And I tell them I can't wait to get done with work so we can meet up later.
Then I stare out the window while they're gone. ; )
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ReplyDeleteThat would be tough! We don't get many visitors here - most of our family and friends live in town thankfully! I'm not sure how you should tell them - but you do need & obviously deserve your own time!!
ReplyDeleteSmile kindly and tell them that you are on a deadline and if they love you and want you to become richly famous someday that they need to allow you to write your masterpiece. :)
ReplyDeleteI haven't read all the comments - soooo many, wow, congratulations to you!
ReplyDeleteI would say, up front..... "hey come stay, it would be grand BUT I work from home and need my office space during the day, so you will need to vanish from ....8:00 to 5:00 pm...
if you tell them upfront they will understand.
FINALLY blogger is letting me leave comments!
ReplyDeleteI did not read all 175 comments, so this is probably superfluous, but I'm adding it anyway.
When you go visit someone, I doubt you expect them to drop everything to escort you around town, so chances are your visitors don't either.
I think the solution is to be explicitly honest with them. That you will be working from 8-noon or 9 to 4 or whatever but you would be free for lunches or dinners or whenever.
Oh, and when you are with them for the scheduled lunch/dinner, forget work and enjoy yourself!
Nicely suggest a nearby hotel or B&B! :) Your writing time is important.
ReplyDeleteI would just be honest. Tell them that you still gotta get stuff done and aren't meaning to be rude. They should understand. Good luck!
ReplyDeleteUm. Don't answer the door? :)
ReplyDeleteOh I never thought of that! It must be hard to not have that time to yourself. I don't know what to tell you, but you could say, hey I have to do some work in an hour, let's chat now kind of thing.
ReplyDeleteAsk your significant other to take them to several attractions while you have peace and quiet to focus on your tasks?
ReplyDeleteI totally sympathize -- I just had grown kids with a one-year-old stay for 16+ days while their furniture traveled from Boston to San Francisco. I gave up on writing-related work and played hostess, but at least I had the end in sight. It sounds like your gig is never ending. I'm not sure what I'd do (besides go crazy).
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