As a romance writer (of a sort), I'm expected to be romantic... I guess. The truth is, I cringe writing super-smushy scenes -- that's why there aren't a whole heck of a lot in my writing. To me, the real romance lies in day-to-day gestures and actions, and not just in one day of the year when you're supposed to act all ga-ga in love. That's not to say I don't appreciate a good romantic gesture as much as the next girl (flowers! chocolate! hint, hint!), but I reckon it's empty if it's just an annual occasion.
This has got me thinking what I do find romantic: two people who choose to be together, not because they need to be, but because they want to be. And, more specifically, it's that moment when I press my freezing cold toes under Mr TR's legs at night, and he shivers but pulls me closer. Or, when he offers me the last bite of his favourite dessert.
Now that's romance!
What's real romance for you?
(Continuing on the romance theme, I'm over on Myne Whitman's blog, talking about marriage 'n' stuff. Pop over if you get the chance!)
I agree 100%. Like you said, real love lies in day to day gestures.
ReplyDeleteI am a widow... Valentine's Day is not a particularly happy day for me.
I used to love Vakentine's day . My husband was a great romantic, With his passing gone is another happy event from my life each year.
ReplyDeleteYvonne.
Romance and love are the same. Cooking a lovely dinner, giving me a hug when I need it. Sure flowers and gestures are nice, but not necessary. Valentines day can serve as a negative reminder of what we don't have. I'm not a fan of it.
ReplyDeleteI like romance but it has to move along. By that I mean I don't care for long quiet time. Maybe its that nervous energy I have. Too much silence is not necessarily golden.
ReplyDeleteI better be struggling to reach my door for wading through all my card on Valentine's Day! LOL!!
ReplyDeleteAwwww but seriously - it's so the little things we do for each other that matter!
Take care
x
I agree. How wonderful it would be if I woke up to a breakfast I didn't have to cook, dishes I didn't have to clean, or laundry I didn't have to sort. For some reason, he hasn't gotten it yet. =)
ReplyDeleteToo funny - I always stick my toes next to my husband as a hint of - I need your body warmth to keep my warm. He's like a furnace - so not fair.
ReplyDeleteI'm with you on the romance too. I could care less about Vday. And I find when my Hub picks up his crap in the dining room a way more romantic gesture than flowers. Flowers are easy. Putting your stuff away not so much.
I'm a romantic. I like the small gestures better than the large. A thoughtful text during a busy work day, bringing me a Payday candy bar for no reason other than that he knows I love them, making me laugh when I don't want to.
ReplyDeleteOh and I also think a husband who cleans the shower is romantic : ) I hate that job and my hubs seems to like it. Works for me.
Oh I definitely cast my vote for those small, everyday gestures that purely mean someone's there for you :)
ReplyDeleteI am SO with you! It's the little everyday things. I'm not a die-hard romantic. And I don't write super-smushy scenes, either. I love the choosing to be together part, too. My sentiments exactly.
ReplyDeleteClean out my car and I'm yours.
ReplyDeleteLove Betty's thought.
ReplyDeleteAs a goofy guy, romance is not easy. I exerted more effort before I became an old married guy--think I have some work to do.
Haha, I totally agree! The day-to-day sweet things are the most important. I don't have a problem with Valentine's Day, unless it's the only day of the year you devote to romance.
ReplyDeleteI'm with you. Husband is a much more romantic sort than I am. And I love it. Even if I am usually the one who warms his toes.
ReplyDeletewhen I read the word 'smush'- now all I can think about is how the cast of jersey shore uses it. Let's just say, it's not romantic. LOL. I think my husband and I have very different ideas of what romance means. To me, it means he planned dinner, took care of the kids and put them to bed so that he and I could eat together by candle light. To him it means skimpy lingerie:)
ReplyDeleteTo me romance is some kind of selfless gesture just because.
ReplyDeleteReal love is in the little details.
ReplyDeleteThis is a great post. :)
ReplyDeleteI get smushy over the day to day things that show the emotional connection more than the cheesy dialogue (though sometimes I get sucked into that too... depends on the writing!).
It is about the little things. Every morning, T makes my coffee and when I come out to the kitchen, he takes my hand and kisses it. At first I thought it was quirky but it is exactly why I love him. ;-) Just reading your little romantic things made me smile! Romance rules.
ReplyDeleteI am definitely not smushy, and I think if a gesture is only ever made on Valentine's day, then it's definitely not real romance.
ReplyDeleteMy idea of romance (which is going to sound so boring) is mutual trust and respect, and a desire to stay with the same person even when it's not easy. I also think you have to complement each other in such a way that even as you change, you remain in tandem somehow. (But not changing because the other person WANTS you to...)
Okay, I'll confess - I love Valentine's Day. To me it doesn't matter if it's infested with commercialism or not - it's a good excuse to have fun, and I'll take those where I can get them. :)
ReplyDeleteI do tend be more do-it-myself and to rely less on commercial stuff, though. I often bake gifts instead of just buying storebought candy, and my husband and I have this ongoing thing where we hand-draw each other comic cards with this cartoon character we invented. (Which probably sounds very dorky, but I always look forward to getting the next edition when a holiday/special occasion rolls around!)
Oooh, I so love your definition of romance!
ReplyDeleteI'm not in favour of the enforced love day. We don't do anything to acknowledge the day at all simply because it does feel enforced.
No, no St Valentine's Day for me - too commercialised by far, likewise Mother's Day, Father's Day and all the other 'Days'.
ReplyDeleteI can still remember the anticipation of Valentines Day and the disappointment if no card arrived. My husband hasn't sent me a card for years he hates theforced commercialism but I think that's just an excuse and wouldn't say no to a nice card and some flowers but it is the small things that count like tidying the kitchen or even saying my blogpost brought a tear to his eyes. So I suppoes I'll have to forgo the card and flowers...again!
ReplyDeleteRomance to me is my husband getting up to get a glass of water and asking me if I want one, too.
ReplyDeleteIt's the little things that count!
Die-hard romantic here who's not all that big into Valentine's. I agree that the real romance lies in the little things (He fixed the washer! Again! Awwww!! <3). But then, any excuse to get or buy chocolate works for me, so I like V'day for that.
ReplyDeleteI write paranormal romance, but there's nothing smushy about it. I'm not that sort of person either. I agree that romance is in simple day to day gestures. My hubby and I ignore Valentines Day. We don't need someone to give us a particular date to show each other we love one another.
ReplyDeleteI'd say the day-to-day things are better then the Hallmark madness of a commercialized single day, which seems to go over the top already by the second of January.
ReplyDeleteHello Talli,
ReplyDeleteGreat to have you back and I've been enjoying your posts.
I love it when my husband unloads the dishwasher...now that's romance.
I love the idea of romance and I love reading stories about love - but to be honest it's probably the opposite of how I actually am lol.
ReplyDeleteI agree with the above comments that romance lies in the daily gestures which show you care.
I'm the totally smushy type, but I totally agree with you that it should not have to be an obligatory annual do. The everyday stuff, for an already steady couple is the bedrock. For a couple just starting off though, pile on the flowers and chocolate!
ReplyDeleteTo be honest, I don't care too much for Valentine's Day. Love does lie in the daily gestures, the small, ongoing things we do for loved ones. It's not about big cards, expensive flowers and revolting chocolates one day of the year.
ReplyDeleteAs for writing romance? Well - I am hopeless at it! Wailing and gnashing teeth I do quite well, but romance? Hopeless, I tell you! Hopeless!
You say the real romance lies in day-to-day gestures and actions, and I agree! I don't do the smushy stuff in writing either, and don't like it much in books unless it is truly an intrinsic part of the story, that is, if it has real depth. Don't know how else to try to explain it.
ReplyDeleteHaven't been over to see you for a while, and I'm glad I did. This is a lovely Valentine's Day post that cheered me on a gray off-and-on snow-flurry day here in Virginia USA. Hope you're enjoying your day "over there." :-)
Ann Best, Author of In the Mirror & Other Memoirs
I love romance, but to me it has nothing to do with buying stuff, and I ignore Valentine's Day. It's just another excuse for commercial excess.
ReplyDeleteLike you it's the little gestures that I value. When my husband can't help but smother me in affection, or tell me how much he loves me. Or when he cleans the house so I can have a relaxing weekend. Or when he reaches for my hand when we're walking. I'd much rather have him cook for me when we've both had a long day than spend heaps of money on a flashy dinner, and flowers from the garden are better than something a stranger in a shop put together.
When my husband presses his freezing cold feet against me I screech and push him away! Hmm, maybe if I want more romance I ought to reciprocate, hahaha! :)
ReplyDeleteI'm with you. For me, romance is in the deeds not so much the words. It's Hubby doing the dishes or doing laundry when I'm under a deadline. Though, I do like to hear I love you every once in a while. :)
ReplyDeleteI totally laughed at the cold toes part. That's me and my darling husband, too. Day-to-day stuff for sure!
ReplyDeleteI used to think I was 'romantic,' until I dated a guy who was a romantic to the core and then found out I find a guy with self-control and respect a whole lot hotter than a guy who can't control his passions. Sounds so practical, but it's absolutely true. :)
ReplyDeleteI'm not a fan of Valentine's Day at all... I agree with you that true romance is in the little things.
ReplyDeleteI know you've been back for a few days but I'm glad you had a nice time in Egypt! Your pictures were awesome! :)
Erm.. Mr Bennet and I will have been married 25 years in April, together for 30. We still buy cards, silly gift and make time to sit down to dinner together on Feb 14 (often from M&S these days as he's knackered midweek.) Doesn't mean we don't do these things at other times.
ReplyDeleteAnd um, with respect, b*gger anyone who doesn't like it, I'm still off to Waitrose for the Champers and think we've earned the right to be commercially conned by now and enjoy it all, ironically or not.
Sorry - didn't mean to sound so insensitive there but my point is, that there will one day come a meoment when there are not two of us on Valentine's Day, or any other, so I hope you'll forgive me for using it as an excuse to celebrate the time we do have.I once went on Radio 5 Live to speak against a motion that Valentine's Day should be banned. Of course, it shouldn't - it's one's own decision whether and how to celebrate it or not.
ReplyDeleteMy hubby can be very romantic and sentimental. He once dropped by my work secretly and left a red rose under my car wiper blade and sent me a huge bunch of flowers to my work (to the envy of my colleagues), he's planned surprise parties and romantic meals and bought me a new computer monitor when I lost our only baby. Bless him!
ReplyDeleteI enjoy the everyday kind of romance in small things because I know I'm loved, and my husband is too practical for big romantic gestures! But I love reading and writing the occasional hearts and flowers type of thing. And after 36 years of marriage, we still give each other a card of some kind - usually in appreciation of what we mean to each other rather than mushy stuff!
ReplyDeleteI totally agree with you, Talli. There is so much PRESSURE on days like Valentine's Day to make a grand gesture.
ReplyDeletePersonally, when my hubby puts the children to bed or does the washing up... well that means so much more to me.
my sweet patootie brings me coffee in bed every morning. He hugs me a zillion times a day. He has gotten me flowers once in ten years! I know what is important. I can get my own flowers but I will never have a romance like I have with him!
ReplyDeleteDefinitely the small gestures. A kiss when you least expect it and all that jazz :o) Plus I hate flowers. I'm allergic to them! lol
ReplyDeleteRomance for me is a more than an empty room when your partner is absent...its the loss of balance. Like stepping away from a warm fire and feeling the chill begin to creep back in. It is in the day to day...but has nothing to do with gestures, small or otherwise. It's more organic than that. :)
ReplyDeleteOh you are so right. We don't celebrate V-day in our house (except we'll get something for our 6-year old, of course). I love the little gestures too. When I'm having a bad day, Hubs knows it and brings these licorice home that I absolutely love.
ReplyDeleteI'm enjoying your posts Talli, and I do agree. The day to day little things is what I love--hubby holding my hand and what not. Anyway, Happy Valentine's Every Day to you and to all.
ReplyDeleteI don't find anything particularly romantic in being presented with chocolates and/or flowers on Valentine's Day. I enjoy them, of course, but it's all too easy when shops have been reminding people for months. It's the unexpected gestures that are romantic and that really matter.
ReplyDeleteI used to work in a floral shop. It was a real eye opener to how most people approached this holiday. Some truly loved their partner and wanted to send them a reminder of that on a special day. Most were desperate.
ReplyDeleteGuys felt like they had to spend a certain dollar amount, or have something that looked better than others. They wanted it delivered at work so they could get "brownie points" Yes that is exactly how they phrased it.
The worst was the poor fellows who came in the day after for apology gifts. Their hangdog, woebegone expressions were sad. Their words were more so. "It wasn't enough." "She said I didn't spend enough money" "She didn't like it. I got the wrong flowers"
I can see how if some guys didn't treat their girls right all year long the girl might expect something better on the one day devoted to romance but that's not the way to make a relationship. Now Hubby and myself celebrate V-Day every day but Feb 14th.
hi miss talli! for sure im not a one time a year kinda guy. thats how come i give hugs mostly every day. sometimes i even hug my sister. ack! yikes! did i say that right here in front of everyone??!! yeesh! ha ha. heres some special ones just for you. :)
ReplyDelete...hugs hugs hugs from lenny
I think real romance is in people truly and obviously loving each other.
ReplyDeleteNo cards. No diamonds... Just each other.
I'm not smushy at all.
ReplyDeleteI think that we'll probably open some champagne on 14th and Rob will cook me a tasty meal. He loves cooking so enjoys evenings like that.
Oooo, I like your kind of romance. While it's nice to get a bigger than usual gesture once in a while, that isn't what keeps a relationship going. It's the small kindnesses and laughter and enjoying time together that do it for me.
ReplyDelete"Two people who choose to be together, not because they need to be, but because they want to be."
ReplyDeleteI absolutely agree. A lot of YA (a genre/age group I read frequently) tends to be in the vein that the characters absolutely need each other by some divine order. I less often get the sense that they really enjoy each other's company--or would, under non-Fantasy/Paranormal/etc. situations.
I've gotten pretty annoyed with VDay over the years. It's sort of fun, but I'm high maintenance and expect surprises throughout the year (which I usually get).
ReplyDeleteHi Talli - yes I agree making it special for the other and not going over the t top ... Getting my toes warm would be good though .. looks like you should aim that way on Tuesday! Still cold .. have a great weekend .. Hilary
ReplyDelete