Tuesday, October 12, 2010

Ten for Tuesday: Top Writing Injuries

Most people would think the life of a writer -- sitting at a desk, using cerebral-power -- is relatively injury free. But oh, they'd be wrong! Here are my top ten writing injuries.

1. Writer's Arse. I've blogged about it before, and I'll blog about it again! It's not just the spreading of the ass, it's the aching of the ass. I'm experiencing this now, as I sit for hours every day. Ouch.

2. Punctuationitis. The complete inability to differentiate between any piece of punctuation, due to hours upon hours of repetitive editing.

3. Spotty cheek/ chin syndrome. The zits that pop up due to frequent touching or leaning on face and/or chin as the manuscript is perused for days on end.

4. Weak liveritis. Reduced liver function, usually as a result over over-consumption of wine to numb an over-active writing brain.

5. Autonomic pillow reflex. Continuous and uncontrollable beating of pillow and/or sheets due to insomnia.

6. Jimmy-legs syndrome. Constant spontaneous jiggling of lower appendages, seemingly due to over-caffeination or over-consumption of Red Twizzlers, cupcakes or chocolate.

7. Scaly wrist rash. Persistent redness ringing the wrist, due to constant pressure caused by resting said wrist on the edge of a desk whilst typing.

8. Tangled hairomia. Complete inability to comb hair caused by lack of brushing for a prolonged period of time.

No, I have not made it to ten. But I'm interested in hearing about any other bizarre writing injuries out there!

65 comments:

  1. Yikes *puts cupcake down* is this an intervention? I mean I know I eat a few too many snacks, and I did have an extra glass of wine then I normally do, but seriously, I didn't know I needed help.

    Thank goodness you were here, I was unaware of all the injuries I had!

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  2. Headaches? Almost-certain-blindness-by-the-age-of-fifty-due-to-too-many-hours-at-laptop? CROWS' FEET?!

    Writing-related injuries could make an almost inexhaustible list, I fear. :-)

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  3. Tendinitis, back stiffness, aching eyes, head aches, acute procrastination, social networking dependency, casual gaming (displacement activity), keyboard impressions on forehead, frost bite...
    LoL, but who keeps track of such small things? ; j

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  4. I have actually suffered all of these! Scary! Is there a support group for this.... :-)

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  5. Additions could be:

    9) Desk-Ridge Elbow.
    Appears as red grooves in skin. Treatment: Wine.

    10) Neck-Creak Wrinkles
    Appears due to dodgy seat/computer monitor/height ratio. Treatment: Wine.

    11) Disbelieving Squint
    As you spy yet another bl**dy error. Treatment: Bucket of Wine!

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  6. The "I'll be right with you as soon as I finish this chapter" syndrome. It's the one where you miss out on everything in life bc you think you're going to finish, but you never really do:/

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  7. Ouch - sounds like we are all in for quite the medical bill (unless we follow Jayne's treatment - in which we only have to face the liquor bill...).

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  8. OMG! I have number two. Is there a cure! lol.

    Love the ailemants...I'm sure I've got a few more happening as we speak. :)

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  9. Don't forget time warpitis. We spend so much time in our manuscript, life passes us by without notice. I hope your next post will be on the cure for all these!

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  10. LOL. I can't definitely associate with 1, 2, 6 and 8!

    I'd add eye-strain headaches and stubbed toes from searching around in the middle of the night for pen and paper.

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  11. Ah ha ha ha! I love all these - and unfortunately, I have them all too! I forgot there were so many ailments. Thanks, everyone!

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  12. LOL! Those are great! I experience all these syndromes ... especially number 2. :)

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  13. Ha ha poor you, lets add swollen brain to the list and photophobia for when you eventually get out of the house

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  14. LOL! I have to add another one.

    Shoulderitis: A persistant ache between the shoulder blades caused by sitting in front of the computer too long.

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  15. Hi Talli,
    Te voici sur le chemin de la sanctification. Si tu as un miroir chez toi, assez grand pour te voir en pied, et de trois quart, tu regardes bien au niveau des omoplates. Tu devrais voir pointer des protubérance qui sont l'amorce d'ailes blanches, et au-dessus de ta tête, un cercle lumineux suspendu dans le vide.
    Nous t'appellerions Sainte Talli, en compensation de tout ce que tu auras du subir dans ta vie d'écrivain, jusqu'ici. Tu gagneras en notoriété, ainsi que sur le plan santé, puisque les anges ne souffrent jamais.
    Tiens-moi au courant de cette mutation divine.
    Je t'embrasse,

    Roger

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  16. Cher Roger,

    Err, thanks. I think.

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  17. How funny! My writing related injury: Tingling fingers caused by pinching the nerve at the elbow due to resting my cheek on hand thereby putting pressure on said nerve.

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  18. How funny! My writing related injury: Tingling fingers caused by pinching the nerve at the elbow due to resting my cheek on hand thereby putting pressure on said nerve.

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  19. I'm afraid I've had a bit of an SCS outbreak recently. :)

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  20. This is me! And I even have a day job, which should negate many of these things, but of course I'm on the computer all the time at work too, and unless I get dragged outside at lunchtime, I stay inside and work on writing related tasks - there's no escape!
    Not only that, there's also the elbow thing; dry skin all around the elbows from constantly leaning on the same hand as you stare at the screen...

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  21. Jayne suffers from the neck crease injury the same as me.

    Uneven nails,short and long for reaching and staying on keys.

    Black eyes-mascara dementia-forgetting you are wearing it.

    Bottom lip cheweditis-keeps them plump though.

    All cured with wine. If sufferer experiences altered vision while taking sips. Take larger ones and refill glass.
    Trust me, I was a nurse. ;0

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  22. So that's what's causing my itchy wrists! I thought it was a washing detergent allergy but now that you've brought it up, I've realised that I always write with my laptop balanced on a cushion on my knee, my wrists rubbing against the rough cushion cover.

    I used to get a red bump on my right pinkie finger from rubbing it against the paper when I was writing which led to me inventing the "pinkie-mitt" (a tube of material made from a cut up old sock that slips over the pinkie - a one-finger glove, if you will). Now that I do most of my writing straight onto the computer, those red bumps are a thing of the past.

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  23. The dreaded writer's arse! I've had most of these at one time or another. I think 10 is the only one I've avoided.

    How about adding "Haphazard Word Replacement Disease". Why did I write "that" instead of "than"? How did I screw up "laugh" and write "last" instead?

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  24. Terrible, persistent farting, due to the rubbish food consumed without knowledge because you can't budge from the computer until this para/chapter/edit is done. Really awful farting. Right? PLEASE don't say it's just me...PLEASE...

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  25. lol, Talli. Excellent list.

    I'm sad to report that I can relate to all of these.

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  26. lol There are sooo many writerly afflictions! I tend to get migraines if I edit for too long.

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  27. Yeah i feel your pain and tell hubby to give you a good massage then after have some fun with him :) xox

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  28. I'm SO loving all these writerly afflictions! From personal experience.

    Jane - the FARTING! Hahaha! Umm... no. You're not alone, my friend.

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  29. good stuff--I also get that clicking in the wrist from typing too much... ;p

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  30. There's the bruising on my husband's head which I inflicted with a rolling pin because he dared to comment on my writing style. Does that count?

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  31. Humpback-initis Syndrome - the marked curvature of the spine due to fixed bent position over the desk while typing or while trying to keep sleepy head from falling on the keyboard.

    :-)

    Take care
    x

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  32. Hey, you totally missed my rib injury from leaning over the side of the bathtub to check the editing notes I was trying to get in there. I went to the doctor thinking I had cancer and it turned out I'd just irritated the cartilage connected to my ribs--honest to god editing injury. (though I've got that butt thing and that liver thing too)

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  33. Hi Talli,

    love today's post.

    I have two more, which as well as most of the ones on your list, affect me:

    - Tunnel Vision
    A.k.a. when I am writing I am not able to see other people/things in the room. This includes an inability to have awareness of needy husbands/small children/middle sized children/dogs/cats etc.

    - Deafness
    A.k.a. When I am writing I am not able to hear or respond to said people/animals should they wish to communicate with me in some fashion

    Whatever the ailment of the day I also usually solve it with copious amounts of wine. Ah, the bliss of being a creative type (and therefore being able to justify it)!

    Nikki :)

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  34. I cannot believe how many other people use wine to get them through the whole writing process!
    Occupational hazard, I see! At least I know I am not alone.

    Cheers everyone *raises glass*
    xx

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  35. Yeah, the butt thing. It's making me mad. And I'm convinced my computer screen is giving me wrinkles. Whenever I spend excessive amounts of time writing or editing, I feel like I've been out sunbathing all day.

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  36. Ha! So, true! I like the add-ons in the comments as well. I suffer from most of these syndromes.

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  37. LMAO @ writer's arse! It doesn't matter how many times I read about it, it still makes me laugh.

    The cracked elbow one is a real problem. I like the reader who suggested the remedy is wine.

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  38. LMAO. I love these -- scary and oh so true. Especially #6, Jimmy-legs syndrome. It's kind of terrifying.

    Emy Shin (my new blog)

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  39. Number 5...
    I can't seem to concentrate on my writing unless I'm in bed, trying to go to sleep...

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  40. These are hilarious! Punctuationitis -- yeah, I can relate, I've definitely edited for that long...

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  41. I can in many ways relate to this.
    Hope there's a cure.

    Yvonne.

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  42. Ha! Love this.

    Ok, how about slumped back? I forget my posture and end up with a C-curve to my back.

    And bad hair day, when I play with my hair while I'm thinking. Not a good look!

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  43. Gosh, these are some scary diseases! You've forgotten "excessive cold hands-syndrome", where your hands get so cold you can't type because you sit by an open window and is so immersed that you forget to close it, and "comatose leg-syndrome" where you've been sitting in the same position too long, and your leg has fallen asleep and now you can't move.

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  44. I get aching fingers a consequence of rapid typing no doubt. And of course the spreading butt is the most unsightly of side effects. :(

    Love the post thanks for sharing!

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  45. If I've been typing too long, I still see the screen when I close my eyes. Frustrating!

    Battling #1 now. Am soooo going to declare war, and soon.

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  46. I'm numbing my liver as I read this post! HA!

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  47. Displacement Schizophrenia - forget the voices, when you can't remember what world you're in, you should worry.

    CD

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  48. How about Writer's Red Eye? Comes from staring at the blank page for hours upon hours.

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  49. Spotty chin. Check.
    Writer's Arse. Check.
    Weak liveritis. Check. Check. Er, Check.
    Tangled Hair. Check.
    Chocolate instead of lunch. Check.

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  50. Ooh, I suffer from all of the above :-) Great post!

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  51. I get chronic back ache if I sit for more than about 20 minutes so I have tokeep moving around. Time to get up now!

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  52. So clever! I have that darn writers brain that never turns off. Also the 'writer's stuck neck syndrome' from keeping my head in one position too long with my eyes glued to the screen.

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  53. Brilliant - what about pyjama-itis?
    No explanation required, this is a no-commute-to-office injury!

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  54. Agree to almost all the points there.

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  55. I've suffered from all of those and would add twitchy eyelid from too many sour ju jubes and an inability to randomly read anything - like an advertisement or a menu without correcting the grammar and punctuation! I did a whole blog post on the dangers of being a writer after driving to a writers' meeting in May during a spring snow storm (yes, you read that right!).

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  56. LOL I get Writer's Arse and Jimmy-legs syndrome too!

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  57. Great list, have to agree w/ them. Haven't heard of the Jimmy-legs syndrome.

    Suggestion, try either a gel mousepad or the strip that goes along the bottom of the keyboard.

    Another 1 would be the need to look at the calendar to determine the date and/or day of the week!

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  58. Number five is killer and it hits me too often!

    It's more of a mental thing, but as a result of writing, I sometimes find myself editing books I'm supposed to be reading for fun.

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  59. I too suffer from the butt and liver thing. But I suffer gladly for my art (well at least my liver suffers gladly LOL). I would add zingitis of the finger tips and crushing neck pain from hunching over the computer for hours at a time.

    Dowager Feline Clancy just enjoys sitting on my lap and watching me type while she gives me wet nose kisses.

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  60. Hi Talli .. great list .. number one I definitely confirm .. and regrettably conform to. I've often thought of getting an architect's desk and stand while typing ...

    #9 glassomania .. requirement for finding glasses all the time ..

    #10 shoulder dancing .. up down, up down .. ease the neck .. shoulderitis relief perhaps!

    Fun ..and so right .. and #11 mispelling their and there, ours and ares .. yours and you'res .. gobblededook brain ..

    Not long to go and it'll be so worth it .. thinking of you .. Hilary

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  61. Fun post - I can relate to most of those. How about laptop legs, too much time sitting with laptop on legs while writing, then eventually trying to stand up and the legs don't want to work. Or, when working at the desktop, bruised knees from bumping them every time you wiggle to try to relieve the writer's arse.

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  62. I am one of those people prone to headaches, migraine and colds. Usually, my first recourse is White Flower Embrocation (embrocation.50webs.com), also called White Flower Oil

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Coffee and wine for all!