Wednesday, March 16, 2011

Letting Go

Once you publish a book, it no longer belongs to you. It becomes a commodity for people to love or hate; embrace or burn.

This is a hard, hard lesson to learn -- and one I struggle with. I've poured my wine-soaked blood and sweat into my novel. I've anguished over plot lines, character development and word choices. But once my creation is out in the marketplace, I no longer have a part to play: my work is done and I need to move on.

It's so easy to get caught up in review angst -- stories often circulate of authors who even post vitriolic responses to reviews. But as difficult as it is to accept not everyone likes our work, the reality is that it's inevitable. And in my humble opinion, it's not the author's place to comment. If someone bought my book, they have a right to review it however they like.

Of course I want people to love everything I write. Of course any hint of negativity stings. But if I want to continue to write other (and hopefully even better) novels, I need to learn to let my novel go. On Twitter the other day, I said that as a writer, you need to develop thick skin. The wonderful novelist Katie Fforde responded that as writers, we can't help but have thin skin -- it's what makes us who we are.

So... my thin skin may get a little bruised from time to time. But it's a small price to pay for setting my novel free!

Happy Wednesday!

Check out some great top picks at Authors for Japan.

79 comments:

  1. Talli- Thin skin or not- you do a wonderful job at going for what you want and should be proud to have your book out and about- bad or good reviews- you did it- you made something happen with all your hard work. Have a great day!

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  2. I love that Katie shared what she did! I agree it's tough to have thick skin and be patient when it's those quirks that makes us the amazing writers and authors we strive to be and currently are.

    I don't have thick skin, I wish I did, but I embrace what I have and know that when I receive negative feedback that a few days to react is what I need, it's the only way to truly understand what the person meant.

    Have a fab day!

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  3. "Wine-soaked blood" made me smile because it was just so...you. And I loved the way you ended this. It is a small price to pay but that doesn't mean negative reviews aren't still going to be hard. yay you for being so strong!!

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  4. I can't imagine what it must be like to have your words out there for all to see. I mean, I get nervous when I send a MS out for beta reading, LOL!

    Congrats!

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  5. What a wise woman Katie Fforde is. You have done your best, thats all you can do.

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  6. Wow, Katie is a genius. So true.

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  7. How great that you're in a place where you novel can be reviewed and talked about.

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  8. When I get published, I think I'm going to avoid reviews like the plague and hide in a bubble. :P

    No, I can completely understand. You have to keep in mind that everyone has their own opinions on things. I'm glad you found that out so soon. And at the end of the day, it's YOU who wrote the book. You created something!

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  9. I love what she said and so connect with it...."as writers, we can't help but have thin skin -- it's what makes us who we are." It's reassuring to know I'm not alone in feeling like this.

    You're so right about letting it go. And the only way we can is if it's published and out of our hands. Everytime I go back to a poem or a manuscript I'll change something. Every time. I can't imagine getting a novel published, the pull of emotions. Even with the recently anthology published by the Literary Lab, in which I only had a small part, I wanted to change something after reading my printed pages. Congratulations again on your momentous literary achievement.

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  10. When I compiled my poetry book it was "My Baby"
    Then it was published and like you I felt it no longer belonged to me. But at the end of the day I was proud when someone abroad asked for a copy and even prouder to send it on to him.

    Yvonne.

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  11. Talli, I had to laugh at your comment, I've poured my wine-soaked blood and sweat into my novel.

    I guess you need to look at the long term and that means looking forward with the idea of another *baby* to put out there. It's hard to have people not like your work and no, on those negative reviews it best not to comment. On the positive ones, especially on blogs, I would show up and say thank you, I'm so glad you liked it.

    In this case, the best way to fill the empty nest is to write another, lol!

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  12. This is so incredibly well put, Talli. Totally totally agree with you.

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  13. I think Katie Fforde's word ring true. If you didn't have a thin skin you would not be able to feel and write the emotions of your characters. So embrace your thin skin. And don't let a bad review deter you in any way. Not everyone likes chocolate or wine....crazy though that seems, but there you go!

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  14. gee, I can only imagine how much a negative review would sting :o( I hope this is just a general observation and not triggered by a nasty review? :o(

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  15. That's the beauty of writing, there's always something for everyone. If someone doesn't like our work, they can move on to something else. Keep writing, Talli, thin skin and all. It's how your heart shows through.

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  16. I'm loving reading these comments! Thank you so much, everyone. It's a strange thing, because you labour so long in isolation and then you send your very personal work out into the world... and it's no longer yours anymore. It's tough making that transition.

    But yes, no matter what, I am proud that my 'commodity' is out there, that people are reading and responding!

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  17. Talli,
    Ummm, that's a tough one...since my book is in process now, I'm actually having trouble focusing on another one right now becuase it, well, just because and perhaps 'letting go' is what needs to happen in order to begin another book. It's difficult not to rest on your laurels, especially when it's your first and you, or I am getting caught up in the excitement as well as people who love and support me and keep asking, 'When is your book coming out?' In my mind, I have no doubt they will like it, but then there is that small piece that pokes, and prods and says, 'but what if they don't?'
    Ummm, got some mental adjustments to make, yes?

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  18. SO so true! I have length to take a deep breath and jump over negative reviews, some even go as far as pouring vitriol on the author. SMH!

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  19. Hi Talli .. everyone seems to have hit the nail on the head .. so good for you for shutting the door and leaving your book on the table for everyone to read as and when they wish .. some will, some won't .. what the hell ...

    Back to a glass of vino, sans the blood, sweat and tears for a while ... and of course a chocolat, or perhaps a macaroon ...

    We luv ya ... cheers Hilary

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  20. Letting go of a novel must be tough. I know that my thin skin will be problematic when (if) the time comes to send mine out. But you should be so proud of what you've accomplished so far! :) Off to follow Katie on Twitter now!

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  21. We can't please everyone. Easy to say, but hard to accept. I love how you put that though, a small price to pay for setting your novel free. Beautifully said!

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  22. Books are our children. But like with children, there is a time to let them go out into the world on their own, hoping we have prepared them well enough. Like with children, we will always care about them and how they are greeted in this flawed, often prejudicial world.

    Summer and the others are right. You have accomplished what very few out there have done : gotten a book published. You did it to the best of your ability. You already are a winner, Roland

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  23. Yes, this is an unpleasant part of what we do. I've decided I'll use these instances to build strong character. Okay, in theory anyway! :) Good post, thanks!

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  24. Someone been hating on your book, Talli? Captain Ninja Alex will take them down!

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  25. I'd never thought of it that way, but Katie's right. You've set your novel free and we're lucky to be able to read and enjoy it.

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  26. Letting go of anything is difficult, especially your well worked words. And then to have someone criticize, I would crawl under a rock like the Geico ad. Thin, thick skin, we all want to be loved.
    Manzanita

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  27. This is a valuable lesson, and one we won't realize until it happens to us. Thanks for sharing the heads-up.

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  28. Ah, lovely, setting your book free. I hope if/when I get to that point, I will be as pragmatic about it as you. Enjoy those bruises! (I know, I'd like EVERYONE to like my books too, but not everyone likes the same thing.)

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  29. My skin isn't nearly thick enough - so I love this! I can live with my bruises as long as I get to keep writing. :)

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  30. Hugs. Letting go is hard, but when it's something you've spent so long nurturing it must be even harder. But you've done a wonderful job on your book. :)

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  31. You've definitely got the right attitude about letting things go. If only I could do that. I tend to obsess (surprise, surprise!) over every negative comment that people make about me or my work, and all that does is make me feel bad and it keeps me from seeing what I did right.

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  32. I found that out with the first book I wrote. I loved it but I felt that I could do better no matter what I did. I just had to let go.

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  33. Naturally you put a lot of hard work into your book. But soon you'll have another one out there and that should make it easier for you.

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  34. It must be so hard after all that work, I thought "The Hating Game" was great, and I'm looking forward to reading your next novel :-)

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  35. How lovely to have such words of wisdom tweeted to you from Katie Fforde :)

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  36. Hi Talli,

    I thought I'd share this study that shows that negative book reviews can actually be GOOD for book sales in the case of relatively unknown authors!! I hope this will put a smile on your face!

    http://mhpbooks.com/mobylives/?p=29420

    Best Wishes,

    Isabelle

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  37. I'm sure it's not easy. And if you're like me, you probably focus on one or two negatives instead of all of the positives.

    Did you read Karen Gowen's recent post on this?

    http://karenjonesgowen.blogspot.com/2011/02/why-i-like-bad-reviews.html

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  38. Hi,

    Hee hee, I think I'm going to publish under a different name because I know there will be certain people gunning for what I've written (whether good or bad)and they'll rubbish it!!! Thing is I've said good things about them and their individual writing, but do confess to having rubbished who their published with.

    People who really go to town on rubbishing a book (or snippet) are often closer to one's writing circle than one would care to think, and their vitriol usually derived from envy! Take that as written by a psychologist. ;)

    I do have your paperback sitting on the shelf, but I've been so bogged down with bronchitis and chest pain that I haven't even felt well enough to read books. I will get around to a review in a professional manner as soon as able.

    best
    F

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  39. Ha ha, meant to say I have been published under a different non de plume, and I ain't telling no one what is. :o

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  40. I guess we just have to remember that we can't be friends with everyone because not everyone likes US, so the same is true about books. Just remember all those web splashes in proportion and you can't help but smile!

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  41. I can so utterly identify with this post. It's incredibly hard to reach that moment where you're so excited you're published (or going to be published), but you also have to acknowledge that the book no longer belongs to you and you can't control what people think/say/want you to change. Getting a book out is exhilarating - but it's hard too.

    And it's worth it. :-)

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  42. "Learn to let go" is a really difficult process because you invest your heart into your book. It is hard and I wish you luck with it.

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  43. So true...we can only please some of the people some of the time.

    And by the way...I just won a SIGNED copy of The Hating Game from SANGU! (I'm SO excited!)

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  44. Talli,

    You've accomplished your dream ... DON'T let anyone's comment spoil that for you!

    Authors throughout time have been loved by millions and probably hated by just as many... It's human nature.

    Just remember you blogging family adores you and we are here for you in the good times and bad...

    Michael

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  45. Now onwards and upwards for you with your second novel!!!! !You just GO Girrrrrrrl!!!!!!!

    Take care!
    x

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  46. But whatever, YOU DID IT!!! And we all are following you. You're a trailblazer!

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  47. setting the novel free is probably one of the hardest things to do. I always want to tweak, and fiddle and fix.

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  48. I admire your attitude, Talli. So many people don't take the plunge at all and keep their writing hidden away. It's great that you've not only published your novel but that you're so philosophical about the reviews.

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  49. I'm definitely getting thicker skin--but it's still a little fragile because when you send something out there, there's that small piece of you that goes with it. So even though a bad review isn't meant to be personal, it can't help but sting.
    But we have to shrug it off, have some chocolate (and wine) and then write again. :)

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  50. I think no matter what profession you're in, it is more valuable to be thin skinned, vulnerable but with the tools to not let who you are become who other's judge you to be. Transparancy creates connection. And you are wonderfully connected to many!

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  51. Talli, I see I'm way down the list of supporters here so I'll keep my wish simple. May the negative one's soon be eating crow. A southern saying. :)
    Jules @ Trying To Get Over The Rainbow

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  52. It also helps to have some sense of distance between your work and yourself - even a particular work and your writing skill. I've read books by authors I loved and not liked them. I've also read books where the writing was wonderful, I just didn't like the story. It happens, you know?
    But you're talented, smart, and funny. That'll shine through no matter what a few critics say. :)

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  53. I'd have trouble being as gracious as you are.

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  54. Hi Hon. Love the skin you're in as they say. You're only human. You bleed like everyone else. Criticism can be hard to take, but you can laugh all the way to the bank, hey hey!

    Denise<3

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  55. I think we all have thin skin. What sets good writers apart from bad is how we handle the bad reviews and criticism. Do we learn from it or throw a hissy fit? I recently encountered an author (a very talented one) who received a less than perfect review and complained to the reviewer, requesting the review be changed. I know that no matter how good the next book by this author will be, I will not be reading it. Why? Because I no longer respect this author and instead see them as an amateur.

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  56. It's a battle we all face in some way or another! You are a wise and wonderful woman.

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  57. Great post. I once had a reader's review say he would rather read toilet paperwrappers than my book, he hated it so much. I can now identify with a sports player who gets booed. It must be aweful.

    My first reaction was deleted by Amazon for inapproporate language. My second reaction was deleted by me. I even replied once in Spanish (that one slipped past the censors lol). I settled for a neutral response, posting sample chapters so readers can see for themselves rather than be discouraged by the Toilet Wrapper Guy and his minions.

    The most frustrating reviews are those that have no "Verified Amazon Purchase" tag on them, because you wonder if the reader really read the book, or might be posting more than once under other names.

    Step away? It's hard. If an author does not care enough to defend his book, who will? But, writing a successful book or series is a learning experience, and the adventure of a lifetime. I am enjoying the ride, in spite of the bumps. Good luck to all, and everyone keep writing.

    Wally

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  58. I know I will have a hard time with negative reviews, too... but I am learning to tune out the haters in my regular job (I'm a teacher, and we're on the receiving end of plenty of that right now). I shut my door, I do my job, I give my all, I do it well. As with my writing, I pour in blood, sweat and tears. We can always improve, but unless criticism is constructive, I am working hard at not expending my energy and emotions on being angry and defensive. Onward and upward! :)

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  59. I just started the book and am really enjoying it

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  60. No matter how thick skinned we are, we still get bruised. It goes with the territory. We put our hearts out there in our writing, exposed for the whole world to see, and like you said, not everyone likes it. It's just the way life is. We have to learn not to obsess about it and move on to the next novel. Having connections with other writers is a big help in dealing with the lows and celebrating the highs. Cheers to your and your new novel!

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  61. Yeah, I'd say an author should stay quiet upon running across bad reviews. It's probably better to busy oneself with the next book or Blogging from A to Z.

    Lee
    Tossing It Out

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  62. Or... you could whack negative reviewers over the head with a lamp.

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  63. I agree Talli I would want everyone to adore my book, but I know people's tastes and expectations differ. I hope any negative reviews spur you on to write the next novel rather than disillusion you. :O)

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  64. I am slowly building up my thick skin! I agree with everything you've said here Talli - I think feeling attached to our creation comes with the territory, but we must set it free and see how others interpret and react, for that is what great art does. Hopefully it will move and inspire people at the same time.

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  65. Wow! I loved this post! Just the fact that you have a book published, that is what should make you proud and stand tall! I think the main thing is that a publisher wanted to publish your book, that is the best! Who cares about the reviewers!
    Smile!

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  66. Here's an ancient proverb: Opinions are like a-holes. Everybody has one. And some of them stink.

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  67. I'm reading your book right now. So far, I really like it! I want to slap that Silver woman though. :)

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  68. This is the perfect attitude to have!! Hopefully there's more love than not for your book. (and thin skin is prettier, right? Thick skin...I think "elephant", lol...) :)

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  69. It's so bizarre how we're expected to be sensitive and artistic in our work, but tough-as-nails after it's finished. Oh, and then go back to sensitive and artisitc for the next book.

    I just hope I'm as balanced as you are when it comes time to start reading reviews of my first book... only two more weeks to go!

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  70. We can only do our best and can't please all the people all of the time. You sound very level-headed and able to cope with what is thrown at you.

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  71. Being a writer is a tough job, but someone has to do it! Criticism is never nice, in whatever line of work we are, no-one wants to hear that someone thinks their hard work isn't good enough. Open another bottle and be reassured that one person's opinion is just their opinion. And we must let them have those opinions or we'd never get any of the stonkingly brilliant reviews, which I *know* your book is racking up, even as we speak!

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  72. WOW - I really needed to read this today. I've been struggling with my own letting go issues. Thank you. Great blog!

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  73. You have a great attitude. Three cheers for thick skin!

    Angela @ The Bookshelf Muse

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  74. Congratulations on thickening your skin! Rub some over here....
    xx

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  75. ergh. Eff 'em.
    OK, I know. Not possible. I remember in HS one of my classmates compared being a writer to walking down the street naked. Then she compared it to starting a rock & roll band.

    these are all good comparisons! And give you a glimpse of my NERD HS experience.

    I'm sorry if someone said something sh!tty about your book. Can you turn it into something you can use? I thought it was great...

    ((hugs)) <3

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  76. I can only imagine how difficult it has to be to let your baby out into the world! But it sounds like you're keeping positive. And every review I've read has been a rave, so hopefully they'll keep coming!

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  77. I think you have the absolutely perfect attitude about it.

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  78. I think you and Katie have it exactly right between you--we can't help having thin skin, but it's how you choose to react to the occasional sting that counts. Nobody ever looked better jumping in to angrily defend themselves, that's for sure. It's far healthier to do what you've done and accept that once it's out there, it's out there.

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  79. I know what you mean. Mine is available in paperback now and I'm really nervous about people reading it, though of course that's what I wrote it for!!

    CJ xx

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Coffee and wine for all!